Hamlet Naruto style
by Katrina-san
Summary: It is a twisted, Funny version of the Hamlet Play staring the Naruto charaters and 2 of my OCs. Please R & R. Oh and there is a lot of OOC! You have been warned! GaaraXNaruto but alittle twisted. Sorry. But I worked hard on it. Enjoy Please.


Welcome!!!!! This is a Story that I am... Redoing... It is a twisted, Funny version of the Hamlet Play staring the Naruto charaters and 2 of my OCs. Please Read and Review. _**Oh and there is a lot of **__**OOC**_!!!! You have been warned!!!!

Disclamer :**I do not own the Hamlet play I am rewriting!!!!!! and I do not own Naruto. I only own Katrina and White.**

**Cast **

Gaara - The Psychotic Prince

Temari - Good Friend of Gaara

Naruto - Gaara's Boyfriend, son of The Fourth Hokage

The Fourth Hokage - Lord Chamberlain

Katrina - His Daughter

Jiraiya - King

Tsunade - His Wife

Orochimaru - Gaara's old school pal -- Now a member of Konoha's first gay rights movement

Baki - Gaara's old school pal -- Now a member of Konoha's first gay rights movement

Kankuro - Temari's servent

Iruka - Merciless English Teacher

Zabuza - Gravedigger and Brain Surgeon

Sakura - a witch the wanders in during the grave sence

Haku - A Priest

Sasuke - a druggist that moonlights as a Guatd for Gaara

Konohamaru - Innocent bystander

Shikamaru - No connection with the play what-so-ever

White - Star of another Shakespearean tragedy

The Fourth Kazekage - Ghost of Gaara's Stepfather's seconde Cousin's widow's son (Also Gaara's real father)

**Scene**

Konoha, near the Hokage Tower, 3 meters past the second right turn following Joe's used Ramen sales.

**Time**

This Play is Timeless.

**Act One**

**Scene I - **Watchtower at News Media Center, Gaara's office tower.

Sasuke, Haku, Enter Fourth Kazekage.

Sasuke : Hey Pop. Look at the ghost, it's here again. Come to Hanut me for taking two jobs, two women, and too much to drink!

Haku : For the last time, I told you to call me Father, not Pop. Hey, you're right! It wants to speak to us.

Fourth Kazekage : Fre, Forsooth. Methink mine ought to speaketh forthwith mine own child, yea, 'tis Gaara of which I speaketh here.

Sasuke : What?

Haku : He wnat's to talk to the Boss.

Sasuke : Why didn't he say so? Let's go.

(Exit All)

**Scene II **- The King's Weightroom

Jiraiya, Gaara, Temari, Katrina, Naruto, Fourth Hokage

Jiraiya : Cheer up Gaara. Just because your Father died, your Mother remarried me, your Boyfriend is having second thoughts, you lost your money on the trip home, your own dog bit you, and the Queen didn't recognize you doesn't mean you can't be happy.

Gaara : Yea, methinks you speaketh the truth. I beseech your Lordship to alloweth me to Exeunt to deliver a soliloquy for thy benefit of thine own Iruka, your humble yet merciless English Teacher.

Jiraiya : O.K. Gaara, take off. I have to talk to Katrina anyway.

(Exit Gaara)

Katrina : Excuse me Sir, but if you let me, can I go to Illusion for some R&R now that things have cooled off?

Jiraiya : Sure, Katrina, on one condition. You must bring me one of their joke books back. Here's a couple pieces of gold, keep the change.

Katrina : Gee, thanks Jiraiya. I won't forget.

(Exit Katrina)

Jiraiya : When in the course of human events...

(Enter Gaara)

Gaara : Excuseth me, king, but it's my turn to make a speech.

Jiraiya : Sorry Gaara, I'll go to my bedchamber.

Gaara : But my Mommy is in there!

Jiraiya : Don't worry about it, just make your speech

(Exit Jiraiya - Smiling)

Gaara : O, be it woe is me that mine own uncle doth stoop to conquer me own Mother. Tis a strange dream I has this midsummer night, fie on't. Methought I saw a ghost of merchant, perhaps from Water. I beseeched of him a hot dog, as I like it, then I saw my compatriot Rock Lee buy a hot dog for his man Izzy. Lee had no money, Lee owed what Izzt et. Tragic, yet perhaps I made much ado about nothing. Mine own life has been a comedy of errors, from start to present, yet, measure for measure, I'll have a good life until I die, and all's well the ends well. Also, Poor Naruto, his love's labor lost. He beseeched me to be his own, yet I cannot make a decision. What? Time's up? O.K. let me conclude by saying -- I must avenge, no, wait, I will revenge, well, no, maybe I'll...

(Curtain)

**Scene III** - Temari, Kankuro, Konohamaru

Temari : 5 aces, you win again Kankuro.

Kankuro : Thanks guys. Hey, have you seen the ghost around here?

Konohamaru : Don't ask me, I'm just here to deal.

Temari : Well I did, and I think Gaara ought to have a talk with him.

(Enter Gaara)

Gaara : ... and then I'll take his, no, I'll ask for his, Oh, hi guys, How's it going? I mean, Greetings, I pray thee be well.

Temari : What's gotten into you Gaara? Ever since your old man kicked to bucket, You've been acting kind of strange. I think you should have a talk with the ghost.

Gaara : Aye, an ye be wise. I'll go to the roof, remain aloof, and poof, the ghost will come, forsooth. Whoops!

(Gaara Trips)

Temari : He's hurt, we must turn him over.

Gaara : Over easy Temari. I'm alright, just srambled. I'll have my sunny side up in a minute, then talk to my hard-boiled Uncle Jiraiya.

(Exit All)

**Scene IV** - The Fourth Hokage's study

Fourth Hokage, Katrina, Naruto

Katrina : I'm leaving Bro - you need anything from Illusion?

Naruto : No, have a good trip.

Katrina : Just don't wild over Gaara. He's a prince now, and might not marry you, a lowly servant yet pristine and attractive.

Naruto : O, well.

(Enter Fourth Hokage)

Fourth Hokage : Leaving Katrina? Well bring me back a souvenir.

Katrina : Sure Dad.

(Exit Katrina)

Naruto : I she has a good time.

Fourth Hokage : Well, me too. By the way, keep away from Gaara. He's a psychotic bundle of nerves and says things he doesn't mean, like he loves you.

Naruto : What? Gaara loves me, I know. He said - "Naruto, I love, no I adore, no, I worship, no I, you know." See?

Fourht Hokage : Sounds like Gaara. Well, don't be too surprised when he dumps you.

(Exeunt)

**Scene V **- The Watchtower

Gaara, Temari

Gaara : A nipping air about, chilling and biting, aye Temari?

Temari : And it's cold too. Look here comes the ghost.

Fourth Kazekage : (In C Major) No-boby knows, the trouble I've, been, no - oh, Hi guys.

Gaara : My stars! I behold there an apparition of mine own ambition, mine Father, with his hair and beard as it was in life.

Temari : It looks like my aunt, a noble woman.

Gaara : What? A woman hath no beard. This is my Pappy, as before.

Fourth Kazekage : Take off Temari, I''ve got things to talk about, in private.

Gaara : See you around, old friend.

(Exit Temari)

Fourth Kazekage : I've got news Gaara! Your Uncle is a real snake in the grass and gave me one heck of an ear-ache to Boot! He's the one who did me in! So You've got to bump him off and get even or I may haunt you forever.

Gaara : Is that all? I thought it was something important.

Fourth Kazekag : Kill Jiraiya, and I shall sleep in peace.

Gaara : Aye, my Lord.

(Exit Fourth Kazekage)

Gaara : Well, I guess I could get started. Maybe I'd better make sure Jiraiya did it.

(Exit Gaara)

**Act Two**

**Scene I **-Jiraiya, Baki, Orochimaru

Baki : Say Orochimaru, how are you?

Orochimaru : Good, good, and you?

Baki : Oh fine, I love you shoes.

Orochimaru : And I love those pink...

Jiraiya : Knock it off guys. I've got a problem.

Orochimaru : Who, Gaara?

Jiraiya : Yes. Find out his problem. Now.

Baki : O.K., don't get pushy.

(Exit Jiraiya)

(Enter Gaara)

Gaara : How doth ye be, mine good companions of yesteryear?

Baki : What?

Orochimaru : He said, How are you. (To Gaara ) How's yourself?

Gaara : Not in a good state my friends. A domestic problem.

Orochimaru : O.

Gaara : I have begun to appreciate the finer things in life. What a thing is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! How now, brown cow! O - o - o - o -- o --- o ---- o

Orochimaru : Sorry, we have to go practice our dart-throwing.

Gaara : Go well, and consider me sane.

Baki : Sure Gaara, sure.

(Exit Baki & Orochimaru)

(Enter Fourth Hokage)

Foruth Hokage : Gaara - the actors are here.

Gaara : Good. Tell them to imitate the murder of my Father, then if the King shows emotion, we know he did it.

Fourth Hokage : Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?

Gaara : Only about three verses. Don't worry, we'll catch him.

(Exeunt)

**Act Three**

**Scene I** - King's sauna - Jiraiya, Baki, Orochimaru

- Apartment building where Naruto lives

Jiraiya : Well, is he crazy?

Orochimaru : No.

Baki : Yes.

Jiraiya : Well? O, forget it. Get lost.

(Exit all, Enter Gaara)

Gaara : I must deliver these flowers to Naruto, but I can't remember his apartment number, 2B, or not 2B? That is the question. Wether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the embarrassment of the wrong apartment, face the slings and arrows of an angry tenant, or bravely walk in and face him? Maybe I'll kill myself, maybe not, who cares? Not me. Well, I guess I do.

(Enter Naruto)

Naruto : Gaara, are those ugly flowers for me?

Gaara : Get thee to a nursery, and find your own.

Naruto : But my Lord...

Gaara : Wouldst though be a receiver of lousy flowers? Get thee to a nursery and never let me your face again, fre, on foe, fither.

(Exit all)

**Scene II** - Stage - Gaara, players

Gaara : And that's the way I want you to do it.

Actors : O.K. Boss, the old poison in the ear trick.

(Enter Jiraiya)

Jiraiya : Start the play. I don't have all day, you know, I'm a busy man.

Gaara : Now I'll watch mine King and, pray, doth he react, I'll plunge mine sword into His left ear.

(Play continuses untill the poison in the ear trick)

Jiraiya : Lights! Flick on the lamps! I can't take it!

Gaara : So you killed my Father. Now I'll kill you.

Jiraiya : Don't be ridiculous. This is only the thrid act.

Gaara : Sorry, I'll wait.

(Exeunt)

**Scene III** - Kings whirlpool

Jiraiya, Baki, Orochimaru, Fourth Hokage

Jiraiya : Kill Gaara.

Orochimaru : No.

Baki : Yes.

Fourth Hokage : Go pray King. You'll be safe.

Jiraiya : O K.

(Exit King to pray)

(Enter Gaara)

Gaara : I don't care if it is only act three, I'll kill him now. But wait, he prays. I can't kill a man while he is praying. Maybe in act four. Hi, Mom.

(Enter Tsunade, Fourth Kazekage)

Fourth Kzaekage : I'm here too Gaara.

Gaara : Hi Dad, what now?

Tsunade : Who are you talking to, boy? You mad? It's true, he's mad. Aaahh! (Runs off)

Gaara : Look what you did, Father. Now I'll have to get rid of you.

(Gaara aims for Fourth Kazekage, hits Fourth Hokage instand)

Gaara : Fre, I missed!

Fourth Hokage : One last thing -- E mc2 (Dies)

Gaara : What was that rubbish? Oh well, probably wasn't important. Let's go bury him. You dig Kazekage.

(Exeunt)

**Act Four**

WHAT!!! NO ACT FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What are we going to do!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????

Naruto walks out with a piece of paper in his hands. He looks around nervousily, then clears his throat.

"Act four has be cut out." he says as Gaara's evil laugh is heard from some where backstage, " But I am here to stall so we can set up for the next act." he puts the paper in his back pocket and leans towards the crowd, "I was aubducted by Alians, and they stuck something up my butt, and not in the good way!"

"That's not what you said last time." Gaara sneered from behind him. Naruto turns a nice shade of red, something is heard crashing behing the curtain, and he runs off stage.

"Gaara-sama." Katrina snapped walking out onto the stage, "That wasn't very nice."

"Does it look like I care." the red head sneered.

"Oh yeah, How about I kill you in the Play!" she snickered as he rips out his copy of the script and wildly flips through the pages.

"That's not in the script!" Gaara snapped.

"Neither was cutting out act four." Katrina smirks as she turns to leave only to have Darthvador appear in front of her as thunder is heard and lighting is seen and Hinata's voice cries out, _Sorry!!!!_

"Luke, I am you Father!" he said, holding out his hand toward her.

"Wrong show." she snapped, tapping her foot.

"What!?"

"This is Naruto. Not Star Wars." Katrina sighed.

"That's what I get for following the Empores Direactions!!!" Darthvador looks around then asks quietly, "Could you give me the right direactions?"

"Sure."

After some whispered words, Vador vanishes.

"Come on! Places!!" Neji's voice yells out. Katrina grabbs Gaara's wrist and drags him backstage. His out raged yell is soon heard signlaing he was froced into something he didn't want to wear.

**Act Five**

**Scene I** - Graveyard/Hospital

Zabuza, Jiraiya

Zabuza : Double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble.

(Enter Ino, Hinata, Sakura)

Sakura : That's our Line!"

Zabuza : O, I'm sorry, I'll use another one.

Sakura : Thank you.

(Exit Ino, Hinata, Sakura)

Jiraiya : Hurry up and dig Gaara's grave. Ever since he cut out act 4 I've had to speed things up a bit.

Zabuza :I'm digging as fast as I can.

Jiraiya : Here he comes. I'm leaving. Don't mention my visit.

Zabuza : Sure.

(Exit King)

(Enter Gaara, Temari)

Zabuza : Hi Gaara, Temari, how's the weather for you?

Gaara : Methinks all great men return ye only to be a pile of ye old dust, whether he be famous or none so important. Must man be troubled with fate? Do we control our destiny? Have we any say in our own lives? Does that cute blonde in 2C like me Alas, these weighty problems concern me as well as you, dear Temari.

Temari : Yes, I realize that. Did you say 2C? Well here comes The Fourth Hokage's Funeral Procession.

(Exit Zabuza)

(Enter Procession)

Gaara : Alack, it not be The Fourth Hokage, but Naruto. He went crazy, then drowned himself, out of the frying pan and into the fire, so to speak.

Temari : I'll give you six gold pieces if you jump in the grave with him.

Gaara : Seven!

Temari : Six!

Gaara : Six and one-half!

Temari : You're on.

(Gaara leaps into Naruto's grave)

Gaara : O, fic, upon't, pah, alack, I've landed on poor Katrina. Why be thou here, pray tell?

Katrina : I loved my Brother.

Gaara : Oh, well I guess I'll leave.

(Exit Gaara)

Katrina : What, and ruin the scene? No, Gaara, come back...

(Exeunt)

**Scene II** - Large hall in King's mansion

Gaara, Temari

Gaara : So this is it, huh!

(Enter Shikamaru)

Shikamaru : Good morn' suh, how be you?

Gaara : Who are you?

Shikamaru : Well, I originally had nothing to with the play, but I just had to have a part.

Gaara : Oh, well. Here, read this.

Shikamaru : Katrina wishes to fuel thee, Gaara.

Gaara : That's a d.

Shikamaru : oh. Katrina wishes to duel thee, Gaara.

Gaara : That's better. Now Exeunt.

Shikamaru : What?

Gaara : Exeunt.

Shikamaru : What's that?

Gaara : Get out of here.

(Shikamaru gets out of there)

(Enter Katrina, Entire Cast)

Katrina : Now, Gaara, I'll duel thee.

Gaara : About time, it's already page 12, I mean XII.

Katrina : That that! (Stabs Gaara with Poisoned Sword)

Gaara : Take this! (Stabs Katrina with poisoned sword)

Jiraiya : Drink that! (Gives cup to Gaara)

Gaara : Not Yet! (Gives cup to Tsunade)

Tsunade : I'll drink it! (Drinks poisoned drink)

Jiraiya : No, it's poison!

Gaara : Drink this! (Forces poison wine down King's throat) Oh, villainy, treachery, bad guy, dishonor, horror.

Temari : Don't lay it on to thick, Gaara.

Gaara : I can, it's my dying scene.

Temari : Hurry, we're running out of paper.

Gaara : O, I die, Temari, mine life's blood poisoned by wretched villainy and corruption, I'll never see peace and good in life. I won't live to see justice, honor, televison, automobiles A-h-h-h...

(Gaara dies)

(Enter White)

White : What's going on here?

Temari : Who are you?

White : White, King of Scotland.

Temari : How'd you like to come work for us?

White : No thanks, I've got a job.

Temari : Rats, I have end this play, and I thought you could help.

White : I've got an Idea -- "Trip away, make no stay; Meet me all by break of day."

Temari : Well said.

White : Thank you. Say, can you see that kuni?

(Fading)

Temari : No.

White : It was there a minute ago.

(End play)

A/N: Hope you like the play they put on for you. I had to think of the filler myself. And let me tell you, It wasn't easy!!!!


End file.
